Tired Mummy

Ryan has been rather sticky recently... Perhaps he's still sick.   I get scared when he suddenly pout and scream in his sleep... He's been waking up around 4am these past few nights.
I dunno why he's still sick. Probably because I didn't take good care of him.  I really want to bring him for nose suction. But i cannot tahan his crying during the suction.  What should I do?
Option A - Leave him alone
Option B - Stuff my ears with cotton wool and let him go through the suction

I think I'm not a good mummy. Maybe because I am still not ready to be a mother.

Note to Ryan:
Darling, mummy loves you very much. Please forgive me if i ever hurt you in any way or another. Those times when i shout at you because I was fustrated. Those times when i smack your bottom because you make me angry. Those times when I held you up and shook you because you refuse to stop crying.
I really regret hurting you physically. Please recover asap...
I love you & may God bless you...