Busy, Stress, Tired Me

I am blogging from TCC now... No time to use computer as I am too busy with my job.
Having 2 jobs is no joke... I am beginning to regret my decision to sign the contract.
Arghhh!!

Whole day at the office stressing till i tug my tresses, come home I have to immediately transform to a supermom with no rest in between... Late at night when Ryan is finally asleep, I have the usual chores to do.

Oh! What have I gotten myself into??  I am waiting patiently for year end to arrive as it marks the finale of my contract job.
When January arrives, I shall decide for good what my career path shall be.  Whether I stay in the same line or shall I revert to my old line.

Enough complaining for now.  Talking about Ryan makes me happier.

At 19th Month, I'm glad he has shown some growth after being stagnant for quite some time...

Weight: 12kg
Height: 82cm

He has grown into a full-fledged tantrum filled toddler! Yeah for him and Boo for me.
So hard to handle a struggling boy thesedays... Gone were the days where he will give me peace and quiet while he sleeps all day long.  Haha
Boy do I miss those days...

Some updates of Ryan.

He can talk. Haha... To my understanding only.  If I do not get it, he'll physically turn my face and point. Making eye contact ensuring I see what he see.
His smiles? Pouting lips! Argh... cute lah.
He loves to grin without the camera. Haiz...
The last time I took a nice picture of him was in september on my birthday. How pathetic...

He hasn't change much, only that he is more grumpy. He whines lots, uses his tears as powerful weapon against me.  (I usually lose)
He uses his t-shirt to help me wipe my tears when he see me crying.  When I cough, he uses his hand to cover my mouth.
When I sneeze, he sneezes with me (falsely just for the fun of it)
He runs, falls, laugh, cry just like any toddler.

I love it when he hugs me when he knows that I am sad.
I love it when he calls me lovingly while staring in my face.

All in all, I love my affectionate, naughty little Ryan.  My baby...

Just some fussing from naggy old me...

I have not been blogging for quite some time... Many of Ryan's photos are not updated too.

Since I started my new job.  It has been rather enjoyable yet tiring.  As I gradually drop off my clients from my previous job, I feel very guilty.  Sometimes I question my decision to hold 2 jobs at the same time.  I cannot relinquish my previous job overnight as it involves many people.  Neither do I wish to give up my new comfortable paying job.

Many people have asked me to resign from my previous employment... Though the pay is peanuts, I really love the job.
On the other hand, the new job is comfortably paid with nice environment, but it is a job scope which I loathe.  I do not have confidence that I will stay long, doing the same thing over and over, for the next few years.  Besides, my skillset is already rusty.  I'll need to invest time and money to upgrade myself if I intend to stay in this new career, in order to reach greater heights.

Everyday at lunch, where others get to rest a full hour, I have to "tapao".  No luxury of eating outside with fellow colleagues.  Reason being, I want to stand my views on extended breastfeeding.  So I will always keep at least 30mins of my lunch hour for pumping session.

After pumping, I always feel so lethargic.  I have to rely on viewing Ryan's photo during each session to keep my day bright & chirpy.

After a long day at work, I love to see Ryan's exciting face upon seeing me at the gate.  This is probably the only thing that keeps me going.

Once I attended Adam Khoo's seminar.  He said something that got me thinking...
What is your bottom line?  What drives you?  How much pain must you suffer before you will feel the pain enough for change to take place?  What is preventing you from changing?

My bottom line:
Money? Nah... Spend lesser lor...
Pride? Nah... I am way past the stage of awards chasing...
Son's opinon of me? Yesh! I do not want Ryan to see me as a bum for his mother.

Preventation/Procrastination:
I love latching Ryan all day/night.  It does not matter what others say that extended breastfeeding is useless, blah, blah...  I do what I believe.
Baby drink Mama's milk.  Cow drink Moo-Moo's milk.

My previous job deters me from pumping on the go because I do not work at a fixed location.  Therefore I cannot pump on the go.  This was perhaps the reason why I refuse to "work" daily, consistantly.
My new job has a fixed location.  Best of all, they have a standard house type refrigerator for me to store my EBM.  The office is only 20mins away from my house.

So perhaps this is the drive that I need.

I just need to find a way to apologise to my clients and find a way to drag myself away from my old job.   Very sad to leave a job that I love...