Trial of Formula Milk before bedtime

Feel very guilty... Ryan just vomited all 200ml of formula milk after 5minutes of drinking it.

I was worried that I didn't have enough breast milk for Ryan. Since he already drank from both sides and he still refused to sleep, asking for more milk.

So I asked if he would like to have pediasure instead since Mummy's milk isn't making him full.
He agreed, so I made him a sachet.  He finished the entire bottle without whining.  I really thought he was hungry since he ate quite little during dinner.

Apparently the experiment of feeding formula milk before bedtime isn't working.  Breast milk should be sufficient.  He probably wants to nurse for comfort.

Not sure if anyone can answer my question:  I do not feel any engorgement even after 10hours.  I am doubting my ability in satisfying Ryan's tummy.  Any help?

A story worth reading & sharing

A True Life Reflection…………
get your tissues ready

4 years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very often I wonder, how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking care of the house and the kid. 'cos that is the exact feeling that I have, as I feel that I have fail to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my kid, and failed to be the dad and mum for my kid.

There was one particular day, when i had an emergency at work. Hence, I had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that there was still rice leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy child.


With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home.. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy. So with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the room, skipping dinner. However, when I jumped into my bed with intention of just having a well-deserved sleep, all i heard and felt was broken porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the source of the 'problem'.... a broken bowl with instant noodles and a mess on the bedsheet  and blanket!

Boy, was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation:


"Dad, I was hungry and there wasnt anymore leftover rice. But you were not back yet, hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But i remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without any adults around, hence i turn on the shower and used the hot water from the bathroom to cook the noodles. One is for you and the other is for me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under the blanket to keep it warm till u return. But I forgot to remind you 'cos I was playing with my toys...I am sorry Dad..."



At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks...but I didn’t want my son to see his dad crying...so I dashed into the bathroom and cried with the showerhead on to mask my cries....

After that episode, I went towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied medication on him, while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I passed my son's room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy....



A year has passed since the episode, I have tried, in this period, to focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to most of his needs. And soon, he is turning seven, and will be graduating from kindergarten. Fortunately, the incident did not leave a lasting impression on his childhood memories and he is still happily growing up.


However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regrets. This time, his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son's absence from school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting him to explain. But he wasnt to be found, so I went around our house, calling out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery shop, happily playing computer games. I was fuming, brought him home and whack the hell out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, 'I am sorry, Dad'. But after much probing, I realized that it was a 'Talent Show' organized by his school and the invite is for every student's mummy and that was the reason for his absence as he has no mummy.....



Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the kindergarten has recently taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept to himself and stayed in his room to practise his writing, which I am sure, would make my wife proud, if she was still around. 'cos he makes me proud too!



Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It's winter, and its Christmas time. Everywhere the christmas spirit is in every passer-by...xmas carols and frantic shoppers....but alas, my son got into another trouble. When I was about to knock off from the day's work, the post office called. Due to the peak season, the post master was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to post several letters with no addressee. Although I did make a promise never to hit my son again, I couldn't help but to hit him as I feel that this child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as before, he apologized, ' I'm sorry, Dad' and no additional reason to explain. I pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily questioned my son on his prank, during this time of the year.

His answer, amidst his sobbing, was :  The letters were for Mummy.



My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to ask him: " But why did you post so many letters, at one time?" My son's reply was: " I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each time I reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence I was not able to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I could reach it and I sent it all at once..."



After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to say....

I told my son, " Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, if you have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach mummy. My son, on hearing this, was much pacified and calm, and soon after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldnt help opening one of the letter before they turned to ash.



And one of the letters broke my heart....


Dear Mummy,

I miss you so much! Today, there was a  'Talent Show' in school, and the school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did not want to participate as well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again. Dad went around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front of the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was furious, and he couldnt help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell him the real reason. Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing you and whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in his room.  I think we both miss you very very much. Too much for our own good I think. But Mummy, I am starting to forget your face. Can you please appear in my dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if you fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see the person in your dreams. But mummy, why havent you appear?



After reading the letter, I cant stop sobbing. 'cos I can never replace the irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife.....




For the females with children:

Don't do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the work, it must be some kind of problems within the company, and it is not your sole problem. Feedback to your boss. Endless overtime may not necessary be the answer to the problem. Take care of your health so that you can treasure and take care of your little precious.



For the married men:

Drink less, smoke less, cos nothing can replace your good health, not even business nor clients.

Try thinking this way, are you able to work till your clients are totally dependent on you? or your boss is totally dependent on you? In this society, no one is indispensable.

Take care of your health, so that you can take care of your little precious and your loved ones.



For those singles out there:

Beauty lies in loving yourself first.

With confidence and loving yourself, you will see the beauty in other things around you. You will be able to work better and happier. Don't let your health be affected by your work or your boss, so nothing matters more than your well being.

Ryan is Two!

A belated blog about Ryan... He's 26months now.

He has become a individual character of his own since he turned 2.  He has a fiery temper.  I have become a good friend of the "cane".

He dislike bathing.. Chooses who showers him, decides what time to bath & the duration of his bath time.
He enjoys playground time.  Almost everyday, Ah-Ma will bring Ryan down to the playground downstairs for about 2 hours.
Almost every weekend is spent at an indoor playground.

He says a lot of words now.  His mandarin is not good.  We having been trying to speak to him more in mandarin but it doesn't seem to work.

His favourite:

TV shows
Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
Hanny Manny
Dibo The Gift Dragon
Animal Mechanical
Barney

Songs
Twinkle Twinkle
Old Macdonald
Baa Baa Black Sheep
Row Row Boat
Barney "I Love You"

His development update: Standing @ 87cm, weighing 13kg.  He sings all his favourite songs quite accurately.  He knows my name & Ah-Ma's name.  He refuses to remember Daddy's name though.
He knows his alpha & numbers well.  I am teaching him colours now.  He speaks accurately enough for us to understand him well.  He does not like to speak in full sentences though.  He usually uses shortcut.  Eg: The chicken is not nice to eat.  He will say: Chicken no good.

Ah-Ma is training him potty-time.  But Ryan isn't keen.  Most of the time, Ah-Ma needs to drag a screaming boy to the toilet and try to force him to pee.  Other times, he will just pee then, inform.

I told Ah-Ma that Ryan isn't ready.  Give him a few more months, but she is insistent on getting him trained.  So I left her in charge of training.  She washes Ryan's underwear every hour or so as he is always wetting the floor.

He is so difficult to discipline nowadays.  Throws toys around, latches on me for comfort so often.  When I refuse him, he will whine & scream.  I ran out of ideas how to handle him.
He has short attention span.  Daddy blame it on the TV addiction. Mostly my fault since I can't entertain him much at home.

Now I work 4 days a week.  Fridays are when I am alone at home with him.  If his TV programs are not on, he will stick to me like a leech.  Cooking with him alone is also tough.  He whines when I am not by his side.  I can only whip up simple dish like pasta or porridge.

Going out with him is a challenge.  As he grows older, he knows right from wrong.  But, he also knows how to handle his high strung Mummy!

Having said everything, I do enjoy Ryan's companionship a lot.  Ryan tend to be very loving towards me too.  Ask him who is Mummy's "Bao Bei", he will answer "Ryan Bao Bei"
He will also say I love You when being asked to.

All playschools in the nearby vicinity is all fulled.  He will only get a slot in next January.  I know Ryan is looking forward to attending school.  He is so bored at home.  Nobody entertains him.  I can only get educational toys for him to self entertain.

I hope that he will not be rebellious. I am still learning how to be patient towards him.  I find myself yelling at him very often.

My wish is to wean him off by age 3 & transfer him to Ah-Ma's room by then.  Currently he's sleeping on a single bed attached to our queen bed.

Ryan, please don't be so nottie.. I really want to be a good mom to you.

May Day Fun @ Fidgets

It was Ryan's first time @ the big kids section. Initially we were afraid of shoving & shuffling, so Daddy accompanied Ryan up the steps.
After getting up, we realized that there are many roller barriers that prevent big sized kids from getting through.
So Daddy had to come down and observe Ryan from the ground level.

Very spacious in the play area. There are 3 separate play areas in the big kids zone. So there will not be congestion.

Recommended for active toddlers who have too much energy and parents who have too little strength to play with them.