Just having some thoughts going through my pathetic little brain early this morning...
How many times do my poor son have to suffer falls before I see the urgency in protecting him? Buying bedrails, using his playpen as a protective environment?
3 times... To be exact. Tomorrow, I'll be getting bedrails for Ryan. I have cleared out his playpen of rubbish and started using his playpen to secure him while I leave him out of my sight for moments..
Will excessive falls destroy an intelligent brain? Ryan fails to respond to his name as quickly as usual after his third fall. I am very worried and at the same time I blame myself, over and over again for being so complacent.
How could I remain asleep when Ryan's awake? I have to stop all TV and forums and start behaving like a real mom.
Ryan started smiling funny after the fall. Daddy says I worry too much. No bumps are seen visibly. Should I bring Ryan for an x-ray? Does the risk outweigh the benefits?
What should I do? Observe Ryan? He is exceptionally quiet this morning. I really hope I do not destroy his life. After each fall, I always promise Ryan to be more vigilant and not let the accident happen again. But time after time I fail to keep my promise.
Though there is no visible damage done, no vomiting, no visible bumps, I worry about internal damage that I cannot see. Could I have damaged his brain? Will I have the same active and smart baby? I feel so bad and miserable at this moment. I feel that I do not deserve to have Ryan. I feel sad that he has an irresponsible mom like me. On one hand, I can be so protective over him. Yet, I am so nonchalant about his falls. I really love Ryan. And I hope I'll start showering some real, practical love to him. Instead of just plain talk.
I should start Ryan's learning process... Hoping to balance off any damage that may have occurred during the falls. Afterall, he's the only hope I've got.
Yes Ryan, Mummy is repentant. This time around, I'll not promise you anything. I'll use my actions to prove that I'll change for the better. Many years down the road, I hope to let you see this letter and you can judge if I had been a good mom all these years.
sometimes we can't help it.. no matter how fast we do our stuff while we leave them unattended (but in vision), accidents still occur..
ReplyDeleteI dun see other babies falling... Seems only my poor Ryan kept falling. This time around, I have a bad feeling abt it. Therefore i'm gonna bring him to the pd tmr. Cause he's excessively sleeping today, drinking much lesser and crying lots more... He regurgitates milk often today also. Slow response to his name.
ReplyDeleteSometimes i do think if I deserve Ryan.. He's probably better off with other better moms.
don't feel that way (hugz..) Shermaine likes to move her butt while sitting and always fall backwards.. all i can do is to add pillows behind her to cushion her fall.. they have lots more to learn.. but if Ryan does vomit after milk (after his fall), its better to bring him to ur pd.. Hope he's ok..
ReplyDeletedon't worry, my son fall down everyday especially when he try to walk now.
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